An analysis Introduction: 1. First sentence = general introduction to the wider topic at hand (context) 2. Paraphrase of the topic statement: instead of compulsory = mandatory should be a requirement = should they be obligated 3. Use of cohesive devices: Nevertheless, However 4. Vocab span: abolished, penalize, military service, It is safe to say, vast majority 5. Grammar: use of present perfect Body text: 1. Topic sentence: general coordinating idea of the paragraph = Specific but yet wide enough to encompass your following arguments: a) On the one hand, military could have a positive effect on young people's lives. b) On the other hand, military training could take a toll on a soldier's mental and physical health. 2. Arguments: After the topic sentences in each of the paragraphs follow the arguments that support your topic sentences. !!! The student made a mistake in the 1st paragraph because the second argument: "Countries could profit by having a stable military." does not relate to the topic statement introducing the paragraph "Military could have a positive effect on young people's lives" 3. Use of cohesive devices: Firstly, For example, Secondly, Therefore, For instance, Furthermore, On the one hand/ On the other hand, To begin with 4. Vocab span: recruits, "put through rigorous physical training", even the slightest slacking around, enable to develop, guarantee safety, avoid obstacles, top shape, to acquire, mental capacity = collocations, take a toll on * (spelling error in the essay = however this kind of spelling errors might be overlooked due to the impressive use of an idiomatic expression). 5. Grammar: use of 1st conditional (if-structures) Conclusion
1. Giving a short summary of the arguments expressed in the body . 2. Providing your own opinion on the matter. 3. Use of cohesive devices: in conclusion, even though, in my opinion 4. Vocab span: "in terms of", sustain, "reliance on", "suited for" 5. Grammar: "even more since we're talking about", "have never held a gun", use of gerunds
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